You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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