dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
