you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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