Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
