please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
