he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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