i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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