She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
