the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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