Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
