You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
