He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You need Xanax blowdarts
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
