Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
