It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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