Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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