Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
