I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
