dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
