whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
