There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
