someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
