it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
