I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry my hands just texted you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
