Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
