I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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