It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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