I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
