Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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