Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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