I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
