You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
