hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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