I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My balls are so social today.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize