Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
