We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
