Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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