the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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