Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize