there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
