question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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