This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
