I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
