I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
