he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
