There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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