We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
