I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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