Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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