If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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