You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
