Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
