how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
