He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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