I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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