My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
