I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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