They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
