I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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