I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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