May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
