Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So vagazzling was a success
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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