She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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