I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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