Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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