I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This baby is an asshole
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
