What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Never underestimate the power of titties
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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