Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
