I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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