12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
