Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
