Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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