Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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