Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
