I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
