I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
