Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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