a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
