Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
