Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
