we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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