ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize