you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
