ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
