You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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