so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
