he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
