Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
