so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
