Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
