Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize