Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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