Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
