All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
