I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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