Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just cropdusted the office
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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