one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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