I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
