She is in my trunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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