It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
