I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
