If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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