I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
