im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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