wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sober January is a disaster.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
