Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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