did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
