wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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