Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize