you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
