You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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