There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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